found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
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