And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
