I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
