I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
