I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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