I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
