Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
