I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
