so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
