I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
