let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
