im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
