New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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