hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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