Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
