I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
