please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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