Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
