I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
