Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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