Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
