you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
