do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
