we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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