this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
