Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
