Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
