Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
