RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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