ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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