also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
