This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
