The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
