yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
