Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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