hell yes lets make some ravioli
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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