you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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