I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
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