There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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