Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
