I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
