How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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