Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Sober January is a disaster.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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