***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
someone owes me an orgasm
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
