i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
