Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
