no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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