I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
