So gin and wine won't be happening again
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
