you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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