I'm drive I can fine osifer
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
