Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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