Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
